Dear Mr. Cage:
What has happened to you? Where is the Nicolas Cage I used to know and love? The quirky, lovable, sometimes sad Nicolas Cage. The Nicolas Cage of Raising Arizona, Adaptation, and Matchstick Men? Have you been hanging around Matthew McConaughey too much? Is his complacency rubbing off on you? You used to balance challenging indie films with big-budget blockbusters. But is it all about the paycheck with you now? Say it ain't so, Nic! Sure, you had your slip-ups in your early days (Vampire's Kiss, Trapped in Paradise), but so does everybody. Now it's your good performances that rarely show up. What would your uncle Francis Ford Coppola think? I looked on IMDb today to see if you may be trying to redeem yourself in the next few years, but alas it doesn't look like that will happen. I mean, a talking hamster movie? Really?! Oh, well. Maybe with all the money you're making from the National Treasure series (where it seems you have a competition with your onscreen father Jon Voight--another Oscar winner who has succumbed to worthless, paycheck-grabbing roles--to see who can act more poorly), of which there will be two more. I like 'em enough for mindless entertainment, but how about some actual acting and writing next time around? So all I'm asking Nicolas is to restore my faith that you can act. That my love of your quirky roles has not been in vain.
H.I. McDunnough's #1 Fan